Gasps and additional outbursts of surprise! A new blog post?! That doesn’t belong to Rappy!? Well, it is true. I go by many names, so let’s just go with a nice generic “Scotsperson” as my name. Weird? Well, it should be because I’m forgoing an intro post, so I can delve straight into the action! Bamboozling? I’d hope so, because I’m going to be talking about games, new and old, in a hopefully entertaining manner, which will mean my sanity is sent on holiday, my brain will be turned off and flizzle boingo zblit…
Now, it’s a new year, a new blog author, so allow me to talk about a game which was among the first to be released for a new console, Dead Or Alive 4, or as I’ve affectionately dubbed it “Fanservice: The Quest For Money” . Now, let’s talk about actual gameplay. It’s a balanced game, but that’s to be expected from a beat-em-up. We’ve got your giant Biker/Wrestler, your kick-ass Ninjas (Yes, ninjas, plural), We’ve got the drunken guy who won’t stand still to let you land a punch, and the femme fatale, in the shape of Christie, a White-haired Assassin who has a phobia of tank tops, tube-tops and bras.
The game is challenging, but at points controller-snapping, frustrated-yelling, game-creator –cursing hard. For example, the final boss for half the characters in story mode is Alpha-152, a genetic experiment created by using one of the character’s DNA. One of her grapple moves is when she takes your head, twists your neck, hold her hand up to your face, and MAKES IT EXPLODE, taking half your health off, and it seems to be its favourite move. It can also teleport out of a vicious 6 or 7 hit combo, while the block button seems to be luck-related, and you’ve just broken a mirror under a ladder just opposite a black-cat crossing. It’s probably more enjoyable with actual people on Xbox LIVE and friends, as they slip up as often as you do, but the main problem there is people on Xbox LIVE who tend to be idiots who played Headbutt The Drill ((Play Halo 3 or GTA IV and you’ll understand instantly)) and your friends always try the “Push any button that makes them do something”. Let’s not let the fact that that is my strategy deviate from my point.
The arena’s are detailed and interactive, and offer a bit of variety, allowing you to throw your opponent off a cliff, down a flight of stairs or through a window. Christie, who I mentioned earlier, has a grapple move that when done near a set of stairs, allows her to surf her opponent down them, as she kneels on their back. Possibly the best move in a fighting game…EVER. Now, that the obligatory description stuff is over and done with…let’s get ready to mock it!
Now, Fanservice : TQFM lives up to its name firstly by a staple of the series – by adjusting your age in the options menu of the game to 99, the female character’s breasts are more jiggly. I have no idea what they were thinking when they added this…oh wait, yes I do….MOAR MONEY! I mean, let’s face it, a game isn’t a game nowadays if the female characters don’t have giant breasts, with realistic jiggle engine, either a skin-tight suit, or an outfit with so little fabric they may as well be naked…oh, and realistic water effects are a must also. The Japanese are worse than the Westerners for the way women are portrayed in games! Look at Final Fantasy! Everything after FFX had at least one female character spilling out of her top! Lulu in FFX, all three girls in FFX-2, and Fran in FFXII – Penelo get’s a special mention, as the girl wear’s a skin-tight outfit, which I moaned about earlier.
Don’t get me wrong, I love the FF series, and have been anticipating FF-13 since FFXII, but there is a limit when you go past “Inventive Costume Design” and enter Boobietown, population the characters, and every woman…and occasional man who attempts to dress up as them! ((Don’t believe me? I dare you to look it up)) Now, what prompted this rant? Well, one of the unlockable costumes for Kokoro, and Kasumi are Schoolgirl outfits. One fight with Kokoro in hers? Nine Panty shots, that were visible, in the space of 30 seconds, roughly. Now, Team NINJA, Microsoft and Tecmo are now shaking down the twelve to nineteen male bracket for their money that hasn’t already fallen out of the hole in their pockets, using the lure of gratuitous cleavage and panty shots to take away their hard earned money! Fanservice: TQFM is a good game, no question, it’s even still in the rotation for top Gaming leagues, after three years of its release, and I’d still recommend it for people who like a challenge, and want a good game for when your mates visit. However, if you’re going to seek it out because of the sexy-like views that appear for less than a second at a time? Then that’s a bad gamer!
And yes, I do have a Y chromosome. Funny, is it not?