I live! After focusing on my first thing to be published ever, I’m back to review what appears to be something that needs to be put out its misery so it may be reincarnated into something, well – enjoyable or just put disposed of. Yes, I’m talking about Sonic and the Secret Rings, although this may end up about all the 3D Sonic Games…Let us see, shall we? The first of a Triple Barrel Update Weekend – MMO tips tomorrow.
First off, let’s talk about the story…oh, wait – we don’t have to! Just think back to any Sonic game! Sonic takes on Dr. Eggman, formerly Dr. Robotnik; I’m guessing he wanted just more reasons to make fun of him, as well as some other evil thing which Sonic defeats, Hu-bloody-zzah! I mean, I’m sure I could ask a class of seven year olds and they can come up with a more original story that that! Sonic Team just don’t give a flying monkey any more. Tried and tested only works for controls and pudding recipes, not storylines! It’s a cliché storyline where hero faces arch-enemy and random supernatural force hell-bent on taking over the world, and I am bored with it! Give me something new, interesting, and actually good!
The controls…oh, the controls…they are really, really messed up. I’m all for innovation, but only if its good innovation. Mirror’s Edge, Innovative for its genre. Portal, Innovative for its genre. Pokemon Silver, Innovative for its genre. Secret Rings, slaps the face of Innovation with a wet fish, and then taunts it childishly. You tilt the Wiimote to go forwards, further when you wanna go faster, and just tilt the remote if you wanna go left, right, or stop. It may be a good theory, but the execution was done with a toy axe. The Wiimote seems rather snooty about little turns counting, so you have to do a 90 degree turn to make him respond, then he shoots over to the side like he has been shot! Too many Chilli Dogs! You see, Sega, there is a reason why no-one put in a danger magnet to the protagonist’s face….because it’s bloody annoying!
You know what? No. I refuse to play this game anymore. It’s a bloody embarrassment to the whole series, although Sonic Unleashed does a good job of that as well. I’m old enough to have played the original Trilogy of Sonic Games ((Sonic & Knuckles included – that was basically an expansion pack)) – I even named Sonic 2 in my top ten games list, so you should know how much this series means to me. The moment is tried to be 3D, it went downhill. I’ll admit the first third of Sonic Heroes was an example of a good 3D Sonic Game, but what the hell were they thinking putting Guns in with the Sonic Universe?! Shadow the Hedgehog was a slap in the face.
Sonic Rush and its sequel, on the other hand, were awesome because of one reason. Itwent back to what Sonic did best – 2D high speed action. Take all of the spinoffs – Riders, Olympic Games, everything, and shove them right where they belong, and down the throat of the person who came up with them, and stop trying to be Nintendo, and doctoring Sonic’s birth certificate to change his Birth Country to Italy, and get him the hell away from plumbing school. Stick with the high speed awesomeness, and Sonic will be a good franchise again. Yes, this is short, but it’s simple – no-one should ever play this game ever.